How The Mighty Have Fallen
by lilawonder
Summary: An ordinary day threatens to change all their lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first NCIS fic. Please be kind.

Disclaimer: I do NOT OWN. I just borrow.

Read and Review PLEASE

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Jethro Gibbs walked into the bullpen with his customary cup of coffee; the day was starting normally enough. With a nod to DiNozzo he sat down at his desk and turned his computer on.

"McGee?"

"Yeah, Boss."

"I can't get this damn computer to start. It keeps telling me it's in _safe mode,_ whatever that means."

McGee rushed over before Gibbs began pounding on the monitor, or kicking the CPU tower, in his own unique attempt to correct the problem.

"On it Boss."

McGee leant awkwardly over Gibbs as he tried to figure out what the problem was.

"McGee?"

"Yes Boss?"

"Do ya think ya could let me get up from here?"

Tony and Ziva were snickering.

McGee blushed and stepped back. "Sor—Um sure."

"DiNozzo?"

"Report almost finished Boss!"

"Ziva?"

"I have sent the new inventory list for the truck, to supply."

"While McGee fixes this damn computer, I'll be down with Abby, you better find something productive to do."

When he reached the elevator he could feel the pressure behind his eyes go up a notch, he knew he wasn't caffeinated enough. He also felt the odd tingly sensation in his left arm that he'd awoken with, returning.

_Slept on it wrong_

The doors opened to loud pulsating music, Abby was definitely in. He smiled at her bouncing, wild, gyrations.

_God where does she get the energy… Can't just be Caff-Pow…You're just getting old Gibbs. _

Abby bounced around and nearly knocked him over as he was turning off the cacophonous sounds she called music.

"Gibbbbbssss" She squealed as she squeezed the breath out of him.

"Abbs…can't breathe."

She backed away slightly chagrined. "Sorry,Gibbs."

"S'okay." He looked around at the four empty Caff-Pow containers.

"Have you been here all night?"

"No, I just came in early. I want to get my monthly reports done so I can be free this weekend."

"Well, I was going for more coffee but I don't think you need any more Caff-Pows."

She pouted a bit before saying," You're probably right, Ducky has been getting on to me about it."

"Yeah, he's right."

"Hey, no fair, you drink that high octane sludge 24/7."

"Yeah I do. You're not me." He pulled her to his chest and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"I'll let you get back to it." As he walked out he heard her call.

"Bye my silver fox!"

His smile faded as he suddenly felt very tired. He leaned against the cool steel walls of the elevator wishing he could just go back to bed. The tingling in his arm was now becoming painful and he noticed he was beginning to sweat.

"Ah hell, I'm sick."

The doors opened and he walked quickly to the head. At the sink he looked at himself in the mirror. His face was ashen.

_I look like crap._

Just as he was debating going home, his cell rang.

"Gibbs."

"Boss, we got a dead petty officer in Anacostia."

"Gear up, I'll be right there." With a sigh he snapped the phone closed.

He made his way to the car, each step harder than the first. His stomach decided to get in on the act and was now making him nauseous.

The Team was waiting for him to drive, but he just couldn't.

"DiNozzo, you drive."

"Yes, Boss. You all right Boss?"

Only Tony could get away with asking him that, but Ziva and McGee had looks of concern plastered on their faces.

"Just get in DiNozzo." He slumped into the passenger seat and waited.

The rest of the team looked at each other, silent questions flying between them. Tony shrugged and got in the driver's seat.

They pulled up to the scene where the local LEOs had cordoned it off. Gibbs was glad they had it secured; it saved him a lot of hassle.

He climbed out of the car careful to act like nothing was wrong but he felt like crap. He could feel Tony's keen eyes watching him; he didn't want to deal with DiNozzo being a mother hen.

"DiNozzo sketch the scene, Ziva pictures, and McGee evidence. I'll go talk with the metro cop who found the body."

Ducky and Palmer still weren't here and Gibbs stalked off without even looking at the body. He was afraid his stomach would betray him and he couldn't afford the integrity of the scene being compromised just because he was too weak to hold his cookies.

"Did you see that Probie?" Tony asked.

"Yeah I did, weird."

"Yes it is strange; I have never seen Gibbs pass up looking at the body first."

"Something's wrong." Tony felt a trickle of concern in his gut.

"What should we do?"

"Wait for Ducky, and you guys distract Gibbs while I tell Duck what's going on."

"Gibbs will be missed if he figures out what we are doing."

"_Pissed _Ziva, Gibbs will be pissed."

"Yes, pissed is what he will be."

"Speaking of—" McGee gestured at Gibbs now getting very intense with the cop he was talking too.

"Oh crap." Tony rushed over in an effort to keep an interagency war from starting. He heard Gibbs' voice getting louder.

"What do you mean you moved the body? Are you a moron?"

The young community service officer blanched.

"Sir, there were kids and I didn't want—"

"I don't give a crap rookie, you have just made my job a thousand times harder!"

Tony arrived to see Gibbs face purple with rage.

"Hey Boss, anything I can do to help?"

"Can you go back in time to stop this idiot from moving the body?"

"Uhhh no." Tony looked helplessly at the young man taking the dressing down.

"Then go do your damn j— shit." Gibbs reached up and clutched at his chest as his knees buckled underneath him. Tony grabbed him as he went down.

"Boss? Boss, what's wrong?"

Gibbs gasped, "Chest hurts…can't breathe…" with that his fiery blue eyes rolled back in his head.

"Go get help and call dispatch for a bus!" Tony yelled at the stunned young man. The young cop's feet became unstuck and he ran to find the other agents while calling for an ambulance. Tony winced as he heard him say "_Officer down, officer down!_"

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McGee and Ziva were far enough away that they couldn't hear what Gibbs was shouting but they felt sorry for the newbie policeman at the end of Gibbs' tirade. By the time Tony made it to the kid's rescue Ducky and Palmer walked up.

"Hey Palmer, hey Ducky." McGee said.

"Hello, Timothy. I see Gibbs is a bit miffed."

"I believe it is _pissed_ Ducky." Ziva said.

Ducky laughed, "Yes, well that too apparently."

The four of them watched as Tony walked up to try to deflect some of Gibbs ire from the poor kid.

"I see Anthony has it in hand."

"Better him than me." McGee snorted.

They all smiled as they watched until they saw Gibbs collapse and the young cop yelling into the radio as he approached them.

Ducky, who was already in motion and with more speed than would seem possible to a man of his age, arrived as Tony was beginning CPR.

"Oh dear God Jethro, what have you done?" He knelt down next to Tony and pulled out his stethoscope.

"He just grabbed his chest and went down." Tony was sweating with the effort and his voice trembled.

"Stop compressions Anthony, let me take a listen." Ducky bent down with a trembling hand as he placed the bell on Gibbs' chest.

"Where's the AED?"

"In the truck, I'll go get it." Tony began to leave but Ducky pulled him back down.

"No, resume compressions."

Ziva, Tim and Palmer had arrived and were standing shocked as they watched their Boss have his ribs cracked by Tony as he tried to save his life.

"Jimmy, get the AED!" Palmer was already half way to the truck before Tony said anything.

"McGee, spell me."

Tony collapsed trying to catch his breath, as McGee took over. The sound of a siren approaching was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

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	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Chapter Two I am finding writing for this fandom a bit harder than my others. Of course it's probably because I haven't written in ages. I am hopeful that my usual style will come to the fore and I will feel in the groove. For now bear with me, I should have waited until I was satisfied but I posted impulsively so I feel I must continue. Your constructive criticism is welcome.

Disclaimer: I Do NOT OWN!

Read And Review: I only have two reviews, quite discouraging.

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Gibbs was in agony. He'd been shot, stabbed, blown up, concussed countless times, but the pain in his chest was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. It was crushing, and all consuming, the pain itself enough to steal his breath. Before he gave in to the tide of blackness pulling him down, he could see Tony's terrified green eyes imploring him to be okay.

_I'll be fine DiNozzo…_Was his last conscious thought.

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McGee never felt more like puking in his life. The sight of Gibbs grey and pained face, the desperation in Tony's and Ducky's eyes was shattering. All he could do was keep up the compressions and hold in his fear; it was the only thing keeping him from freaking out. He was so focused on his task that the EMT's had to pry him away from his Boss' body so they could begin working on him.

"Sir. Sir! Let us take over."

"It's okay, we got him."

"Tim let go, let them do their job." Ziva said as she helped pull him off Gibbs.

He collapsed next to Tony and their eyes met. The sorrow and fear in the Senior Agent's eyes hit McGee like a punch to the gut. Tony needed him to get it together, if ever there was a time for him to have his friend's six, it was now. He took a deep breath and steeled himself.

"He'll be alright, Tony he's Gibbs." He squeezed Tony's shoulder.

"Yes, Tony, McGee is right this is Gibbs. He will be fine." Ziva agreed.

"Yeah, he looks real fine to me." Tony replied sardonically.

They looked as the stretcher was being hoisted up, Gibbs arm with an IV, his chest covered in leads and his face covered with an Ambu bag as the paramedics tried to keep him alive long enough to get him to the hospital.

"We're headed to Bethesda." One of the men yelled as they ran towards the ambulance.

It became eerily silent for a moment, each with their own depressing thoughts as they watched the ambulance tear out of the parking lot, sirens and lights blazing.

"Oh dear God." Ducky whispered.

Ziva placed her arm around the man who looked as if he'd aged twenty years in the past hour. "Come Ducky, we will go to the hospital."

Jimmy Palmer, always surprising everyone said, "Don't worry guys I'll take care of the body and call another team out here. I can meet you at the hospital later."

"Thanks Jimmy." McGee said as he followed Ziva's lead and pulled Tony along to the truck.

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The ride to the hospital was a blur filled with the quiet of stunned souls. By the time they reached the ER Ducky had pulled himself together and walked in ready to find answers for the shell-shocked group. The triage nurse recognized them as frequent fliers and smiled as Ducky approached.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Donald Mallard. I believe you have our colleague in the back with a probable MI."

"Hello Doctor, I recognized NCIS when you came in. What's the name of your friend?"

"Jethro Gibbs, Special Agent Jethro Gibbs."

She looked at her computer monitor and typed the name in. "Ahh yes, he was taken to the cardiac unit, fifth floor."

"Thank you." He called, already getting on the elevator with the rest of his NCIS family.

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"Ducky, what does this mean? What is wrong with Gibbs exactly?"

"He's had a heart attack Ziva."

"Surely, you are mistaken. Gibbs is too strong to have a heart attack."

"I'm afraid not my dear, while I don't have the specifics yet I can assure you that is exactly what is wrong with Jethro."

"I can't believe it." McGee whispered.

"I know Timothy, I can't either."

Tony had remained mute since long before they left the scene. He stared hollowly ahead, and did not react to the conversation around him. Ducky was becoming concerned by his silence.

"Anthony? You must believe he is alright. He needs our faith in him more now than ever before."

Tony gave an imperceptible nod as the doors opened to the cardiac floor of the hospital.

"Why don't you go in the waiting room and I will see what I can find out." Ducky said.

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Gibbs lay on a cold table, an oxygen mask on his face. He moaned. "Where am I?"

"Agent Gibbs? I'm , your cardiologist. You're in the cardiac catheter lab. You've had a heart attack. We are going to go through your femoral artery to your heart and try to remove the blockages. If we have to we will insert stents. Do you have any questions?"

"Where's Ducky?"

"Who's Ducky?" Another voice asked.

"I believe he means Dr. Mallard."

"Ohhh, Ducky. I get it."

"Where is he?" Gibbs asked again more lucidly.

"He's waiting outside with your other friends, he signed your consent for the procedure."

"Wanna talk to him."

"Certainly, just a moment." Capaldi turned to the other person, who Gibbs figured was a nurse and told her to bring Ducky in.

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"So what is this catheter procedure Ducky?" Ziva asked.

"Jethro has several blockages in the blood vessels of his heart, they will run a catheter up to his heart through his femoral artery and take a tiny balloon and try to open the blood vessels back up."

"This is dangerous?"

"Yes, but it is less invasive than other methods and generally has a good outcome."

McGee and Tony listened but did not speak.

"When will we know if he is okay?" Ziva asked.

"Soon, I imagine."

Just then a nurse came out of the cath lab and approached them.

"Dr. Mallard?"

"Yes?" Ducky stood.

The looks on the faces of the group were fearful. "Don't worry, he's okay. In fact he's awake and wants to speak with Dr. Mallard before the procedure." She reassured.

"Certainly." He said and followed her, while everyone else took a relieved breath.

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"I can't believe this is happening." Tony said quietly, his voice thick with unshed tears.

"I cannot either." Ziva whispered.

"Me either." Mcgee replied.

"I can't do this." Tony said as he got up and walked off.

"Tony!" Ziva stood to go after him but McGee stopped her.

"Let him have some time alone, Ziva." She nodded and sat back down.

"We have to call Abby." She said.

"I spoke with Director Vance, he was going to have Palmer tell her and then drive them both here. They should be here soon."

"Good." Ziva wouldn't admit it but she needed Abby right now.

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Gowned, masked and gloved Ducky walked to the table where they would do the procedure.

"Hello Jethro. How are you feeling?"

"Like hell, Duck."

"Yes, dear boy I imagine you do."

"Is everyone okay?"

"Yes, they are worried but fine."

"DiNozzo?"

"He's upset as are we all, but he's managing."

"Abby?"

"She's on her way, with Mr. Palmer, and Ziva and Timothy are holding up as well. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Scared, Duck. I don't want to be an invalid."

"Jethro, this was a first cardiac event, you are getting treatment and I'm sure with rest and rehab you will be back to your usual, irascible, self."

Ducky sounded positive but Gibbs was sure he was candy coating things.

"Tell me the truth Duck."

"I assure you I am Jethro. Now you must let me go so they can start the procedure."

"Don't wanna be helpless, Duck. Don't make me live like that."

"I won't. You will be fine. Now go to sleep and we'll see you when you wake up." Ducky nodded as the nurse put the medication in Gibbs' IV.

"Ducky?"

"Yes?"

"Don't leave…please."

Ducky looked at Capaldi and the cardiologist nodded yes. "I will stay right here with you Jethro."

"Thanks." Gibbs whispered as his eyes closed.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here's a chapter that may be a little better. Let me know what you think. I am feeling very lonely. But let me also give a big shout out and heartfelt thanks to all those who have reviewed, favorite, and story alerted me: THANKS! I really appreciate you guys taking the time to do that.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own. * cries*

Read and Review for feedback be the food of love.

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Tony sat in any empty stairwell trying to hold it together. In all their time together Gibbs had never been ill, injured yes, but never had his own body betrayed him this way. It was beyond Tony's frame of reference, not part of his world view. That the seemingly invincible Leroy Jethro Gibbs' heart would have the audacity to attack him was unthinkable. Suddenly Gibbs' mortality became very real to Tony; the fact that as time was marching on Gibbs was aging, that someday his hero would be an old man that even the mighty Gibbs' body would fail. With the foundations of his life shaking he found it impossible to hold in his fear and anguish any longer. The tears began to sneak out of his eyes unbidden, and he began crying as quietly as possible in the echoing stairwell.

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Ziva and McGee waited in restive silence; waited for Abby and Jimmy, waited to hear news of their leader's health.

"Do you think he is okay?"

"If he weren't we would have heard by now."

"No, not Gibbs, Tony."

"I don't know Ziva, probably not. Gibbs is really important to Tony."

"Yes, he is."

"I don't know what Tony would do if…"

"Do not say it McGee!"

"We have to be prepared for the worst Ziva."

"No we do not. Gibbs will be fine. He has fought to live through too much to be taken in this—_ordinary_ way."

"You're right."

"Yes, I am McGee."

Ziva stood with a sigh and said, "I am going to find Tony, you wait here for Abby and Jimmy. I have a feeling Abby will need you."

With that she left McGee to his own tortured thoughts.

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Jimmy Palmer returned back to the Navy Yard feeling the weight of Gibbs' illness, the onus of handling the body and his impending conversation with Abby. The Director had called him while he was still at the scene and requested that he tell Abby about Gibbs and bring her to the hospital. He didn't need to be asked to do it he would have done it anyway, but it was clear that Director Vance was uncomfortable with the task, something with which Jimmy could easily identify. Nevertheless, he would tell Abby and escort her, for Jimmy Palmer was a lot of things: shy, timid, geeky even, but never a coward. After getting the body checked into evidence he found himself standing in the threshold of Abby's lab, hiding in the folds of her pounding music steeling himself for the moment to come. Abby turned just as he walked through the door and took one look at Jimmy's face and knew something was horribly, terribly wrong.

_So much for finesse Palmer…_

"Abby…"

"Who? Tell me right now Jimmy Palmer who is it, -an—and , what happened and where are they!" Abby was clutching him by his shoulders her face inches from his.

Jimmy gulped and gently removed Abby's death grip, "Abby, Gibbs is in the hospital—"

Her face paled and she stumbled back into the evidence table. "Gibbs? No." She whispered plaintively.

Jimmy walked over to her and said firmly, with kindness, "Hey, don't do this, you gotta pull yourself together so we can go see him. He needs you, Ducky, Tim and Ziva need you… we _all_ need our Abby to help us believe."

She thought for a moment and with a sniff, a wipe of her tears, and a deep breath, she transformed into a woman who could deal.

"What are you waiting for Jimmy; let's get our butts to the hospital?"

Jimmy smiled and ran after her as she quickly strode out the door and into the elevator.

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Ziva walked slowly down the corridor the way Tony had gone, using the time to decide what she would say to him. They had been through so much together, everything it seemed at times, and words felt like empty and useless tools to help her friend. They were all people of action and Ziva's specialty wasn't miracles. This relationship with Tony had been hard for a long time now, she couldn't forgive herself for what she had done, and couldn't let go of what was done to her. He risked everything for her, spoke of how he couldn't live without her, and she could not accept his love. Her whole being ached with the knowledge that Tony was the one, but her hurts had built a fortress of unscalable walls, making her a prisoner of her own devices and denying Tony any solace in her arms. Yet, it seemed fate had other plans, because she would have to leave her bunker of self-protection and sadness to shelter Tony from the very real chance that he would lose the man who was a father to them all.

Her keen hearing heard soft sounds of someone breathing in the stairwell to her left; she entered quietly and said, "Tony?"

"Yeah," he sighed.

She walked down to the step he was sitting on and looked at him, wanting so badly to touch him, to hold him, but the fear in her had a strangle-hold and she hesitated. Tony looked up, his emerald eyes red and glistening and suddenly none of her fear mattered. She reached out her small hand and laid it tenderly on his knee.

"I am here."

With those soft words all hope Tony had of containing his tears left him. There was just too much, too much crap that had happened to him in the past few years. It was relentless, and now this hellish situation threatened to tear away the last vestiges of his ability to cope. Hearing Ziva say she was there for him, feeling her cradling his head in her lap, broke through his defenses utterly and he came undone.

After several minutes, his shuddering sobs dissipating, he laced his fingers in hers and looked at her with a mixture of shame and apprehension. There was an unspoken question in his eyes.

"Shhh—I am here, I will not leave you. Gibbs will not leave us."

He gulped down the lump in his aching throat, nodded and said, "I love you Ziva, I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear that, but I do. With all the shit we've been through and now the very real possibility that Gibbs may die, I can't just sit by and pretend that I don't love you anymore. Whatever you want to do with that is up to you, but I can't survive anymore of this bullshit half-life of loving you from afar and having to see you every day of my life. Either you feel the same and we do something about it or we never talk about it again and move on. I will survive, God knows that's all I'm good at, but life is too damn short to keep torturing myself over you."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's another update. Not crazy about it hope the next one is better.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own.

Read and Review

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Ziva looked at him for a long time searching his face before she spoke.

"Yes, I too am tired of this, how you say, "bullshit half-life" we have been living. I care about you Tony, deeply, and I know there is much we need to discuss, but now is not the time for this. Now I can be your partner, now I am your friend. If there is more for us to have, that time is later."

He nodded and let go of her hand to pull himself up by the stair railing, "Come on let's see if Abby and Jimmy are here."

She stood to leave as well and followed him out of the stairwell when Tony stopped and turned to her. "Thank you Ziva, for… you know…"

"You are welcome Tony."

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Timothy McGee had grown a lot in the past six years, growth he could thank Gibbs for. He had a dad so his relationship with Gibbs was more of a mentor but this situation was just as hard on him. Gibbs had given him a chance to be more than he might have been, had believed that he would become a good agent someday. His leader gave him the opportunity to grow a backbone and become a confident man and now his role model was lying in a hospital suddenly looking all too human. It troubled him in ways Gibbs being hurt never had.

Gibbs was almost mythical in his prowess at his job and whenever he was hurt he seemed to shrug it off like it was nothing. Even after he quit and went to Mexico McGee never believed he would stay gone. But this…The thought that Gibbs' own body would betray him made McGee all too aware of his own frailty and took away some of that mythos that had sustained him in times of doubt and timidity. It was all so damn depressing and scary. Everything was going to change, and Tim doubted any of them were prepared for the differences to come.

The sound of heavy boots approaching at an alarming rate woke him from his reverie just in time to have an Abby shaped missile come barreling into him as he was standing up.

"Oh God Timmy! What am I going to do? What are we going to do?" Abby buried her face into McGee's neck and tried to hide her tears.

What could Tim do but hold her and give her useless platitudes? So that's what he did.

"Shhh Abbs, it'll be okay. You know Gibbs… He's like made of steel or something. Heck I bet he starts trying to leave the hospital today."

Tim knew he was lying because anyone who had seen the way Gibbs looked as the EMTs were taking him away would know that even if he did survive, it was going to be a long time before he would be leaving the hospital.

Abby pulled away to look at Tim's face to see if he was just saying that to make her feel better.

"Either you're getting better at lying or you really believe that. I sure hope it's the latter."

Tim smiled. _Me too Abbs…me too_

Jimmy cleared his throat and said, "Have you heard anything?"

"Oh hey Jimmy, sorry."

"That's okay, I understand, so any news?"

"No, but Ducky went in there ages ago. I figure he stayed for the procedure."

"Good! I'm glad Ducky's with Gibbs! He should be!"

"Yes, I agree with Abby, I feel much better knowing Dr. Mallard is with him."

"Yeah, me too." McGee agreed.

Ziva and Tony came shuffling up at that moment.

"Tony!" Abby yelled and started to run to him but stopped when she saw his face. She looked at Ziva a question in her eyes.

"Ziva."

"Abby it is good to see you. I am glad you are here." Ziva said warmly.

Abby gave her friend a much needed hug before moving on to Tony who knew he hadn't dodged the Abby bullet.

"Abby. How are you holding up?" Tony asked gently.

She stared at him intently before answering. "Better than you I imagine."

There was no answer to that so he just nodded and turned to Jimmy and shook his hand and said, "Thanks for bringing her Jimmy, and thanks for everything you did earlier. I don't know what we would have done without you."

Jimmy blushed and replied, "I don't need thanks Tony, we're a team."

Tony smiled. "Yes we are Jimmy, yes we are."

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Ducky did his best to remain objective as he watched the dye enter Gibbs' heart. But the sight of the blockages made his stomach drop.

"It's worse than I thought," he whispered.

"Now Dr. Mallard, don't be so discouraged, this is not the worst I've ever seen."

"Yes well I can't help but feel I have failed him by missing such a critical problem."

"You know as well as I do that you had no indications this was going on. His cholesterol was fine and he was in near perfect health for a man his age."

"That's just it; I can't for the life of me see what I missed. What caused this?"

"You know as well as I do that there are many subtle causes of these issues. You cannot beat yourself up like this."

"I suppose you are correct Dr. Capaldi." Ducky sighed.

"The plaques seem relatively minor, it will be easy to correct and we won't have to place any stents."

"That is good news."

"Okay, I'm going to advance the catheter and deploy the balloon on the first blockage. How are his vitals?"

"Everything looks good." The anesthetist answered.

"Great. Here we go."

Ducky watched as the tiny balloon opened and broke up and nudged the clot out of the blood vessel. Jethro's vitals remained stable and his heart seemed to take the invasion well. As they maneuvered on to the second clogged vessel Ducky remembered to breathe.

"This one is a bit tricky as it is in such a small blood vessel."

Ducky felt his face begin to tickle with perspiration, this is where things could go terribly wrong, and the balloon could tear the already weakened artery. It took longer than the last one but he was able to relax a bit when Capaldi was finished. The third and final blockage seemed quite straight forward, though it was larger than the others and was blocking a very important artery, Ducky was feeling better about things.

"And now last but certainly not least…" Capaldi began advancing the catheter in place to deploy the balloon when alarms started sounding.

"He's in vfib!" The anesthesiologist yelled.

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	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Here's an update. Hope you like it. Sorry for not warning there could be hints of TIVA. Apparently this is a heinous crime. In any case I hope to get away from the medical soon, if I've made mistakes in this regard feel free to correct me. I hope to keep this story going and will be updating more quickly.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own.

Please read and review.

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Ducky knew this was often a complication of the procedure and usually one easily resolved but it terrified him and sent his own heart pounding.

"Damn it Jethro you never do anything the easy way do you?"

The flurry of activity that ensued made Ducky feel all the more helpless.

"Still vfib, meds aren't working, we'll have to cardiovert with the paddles."

They pulled the defibrillator over to Jethro and for the second time that day his heart was being shocked into behaving. The first try didn't change the dangerous rhythm.

"Charge to 250, clear!" The second jolt did the trick and Gibbs' heart was back into a normal sinus rhythm.

"Okay, I think we need to consider an external pacemaker, and then the electro guy needs to come in and consult."

"Will you finish the procedure?" Ducky asked.

"We've come this far, and the blockage is significant, I think once the pacemaker is in we should finish. Tell me what you want me to do Dr. Mallard?"

Ducky thought for a moment about the risk and decided that it was in Jethro's best interest to proceed.

"Yes, let's put in the transcutaneous pacemaker and finish. I think it's the best chance he has to minimize his risk of another MI."

"Good. Let's get started."

Ducky had the uncomfortable thought that if Jethro's heart kept acting up that he may be joining him on the cardiac wing.

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"Did anyone call Jackson?" Tony asked after a long silence filled with nothing but the sound of everyone sipping coffee.

"Omigosh I totally forgot!" Abby squeaked.

"That's okay Abbs I'll call him." Tony got up and walked back out into the hall to make the call.

"Is he going to be alright?" Jimmy asked nodding in Tony's direction.

"Tony will be fine." Ziva replied.

Abby spoke up, "Ziva, he is not fine."

"I did not say he _was _fine I said he _will be _fine."

"How can you say that Ziva? Look at him." McGee's tone was incredulous.

"I know this because Gibbs will be fine. He will come through this like a chump!"

Her abuse of the idiom brought a much needed chuckle to the morose group.

"_Champ, _Ziva not _chump."_

"Yes, champ! Gibbs will beat his heart into submission just as he does us."

McGee grinned at her secret smile and realized she had done it on purpose.

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While he lay unconscious Leroy Jethro Gibbs' brain kept him occupied with dreams. They were dreams too real, too possible, and they terrified him.

_He awoke in the hospital feeling weak and suddenly very old. He was alone with only the tubes and monitors for company._

"_God, I'm thirsty." He thought. But the water pitcher seemed miles away, and though he tried he couldn't muster the strength to reach for it. He suddenly felt a wave of emotion wash over him, and tears of frustration pricked his eyes. It just wasn't right, this wasn't who he was. His heart rate began to shoot up the more distraught he became and his chest ached in new and more painful ways. Finally a young woman with red hair, a nurse, rushed in to him._

"_There, there now. Don't be sad. It's real hard at first but you get used to it." She lifted the pitcher and poured him a cup of water then placed a straw in it the cup._

"_Here you go sweetie." She said as she placed the straw up to his parched lips._

_Suddenly he had no desire to drink. He just wanted to be left alone. He turned his head away._

"_Come on Mr. Gibbs, you have to drink. You'll feel so much better."_

_He didn't want to feel better. He wished he weren't here at all. _

_She sighed. "I know this is difficult, but I promise it does get better. You just have to learn to accept it. Now, why don't you take a few sips and I'll leave you alone."_

_He never felt as powerless and childlike in his life. But he found the strength to knock the cup out of her hand and laid his head back and closed his eyes, exhausted by the small effort._

"_Mr. Gibbs! That wasn't nice!" She sat the cup down and stormed out._

_All he could do is wonder why they would allow him to live like this. He never felt so betrayed, so alone._

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Ducky finally came out of the cath lab feeling like he'd just climbed Everest. He took a few deep breaths in an effort to calm himself and walked to the anxious group waiting in the waiting room. They all stood up when they saw him approach.

"Ducky?" Tony asked with more than a hint of fear in his voice.

"Let's sit down; I'm afraid I am not as young as I used to be." He sounded so weary, that it brought a pang of shame to the group.

"Oh Ducky, I am so sorry, of course you need to sit down. Timmy get Ducky something to drink."

"No, no Abigail don't fret over me. Timothy please wait on that. I'd rather we got this over with."

Everyone sat back down filled with nervous anticipation, but they waited quietly for Ducky to continue.

"First of all let me assure you that Jethro is stable." They all relaxed a bit.

"But he is far from all right."

"What do you mean?" Tony asked.

"He has had some complications from the procedure, and there was some tissue damage from the infarction."

"Complications?" McGee asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid Jethro's heart became irritated by the procedure and began to have an irregular heartbeat. We had to intervene, he's now on an external pacemaker to make sure he doesn't have any more issues until the other cardiologist can see him to evaluate whether he will need a permanent one."

"A pacemaker? Gibbs?" Tony's soft question broke Ducky's heart.

"Now, now Anthony don't jump to any conclusions. These are only possibilities."

"What will they do next Ducky?" Ziva asked.

"Well, they have taken Jethro to recovery and then they will place him on the cardiac intensive care unit for the next several days, and if he does well they will place him on the step down unit where he can begin the cardiac rehab process."

"How long does that take?"

"Well Abigail that depends on many factors, not the least of which is Jethro himself."

"He is Gibbs, he will be fine." Ziva averred.

"Yes, well even though I admit Jethro is a force to be reckoned with, you must realize that this is a very difficult and long journey he is facing. He is not the most patient man as I am sure you all know. There are many challenges ahead that are not his strong suit."

"Such as?"

"Such as the emotional component of having a heart attack, Timothy. When a person has a heart attack it is a foundation shaking event. There is no time to adjust to the idea, one moment you seem fine the next you are a cardiac patient. I fear that Jethro will have a hard time dealing with how different he is going to feel physically, mentally and emotionally."

"Ducky, come on this is Gibbs. He can handle this."

"Anthony, don't underestimate the devastating effect this will have on Jethro. He is not going to walk out of here with his arm in a sling as if nothing has happened. This is not a bullet wound, or a concussion. This is an insult to his heart that will require weeks of rehabilitation and it is going to be very hard. He's going to need all of us to get through this."

The room grew silent as they all tried to absorb what Ducky was saying. Until Abby said something that summed up what they all were feeling.

"This sucks."

Ducky reached out and patted her knee. "It does indeed."

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	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's another chapter. My sweet daughter said she liked it, I hope you do too.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own.

Read and review, I am concerned by the lack of reviews. Though I am new to this fandom I can't help but notice that there are a high number of reviews on many stories. Perhaps it's my subject matter, perhaps it's my writing. But if no one tells me how can I improve?

Rant officially over.

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Jethro Gibbs lay in his hospital bed trying to shake off the anesthetic and the small amount of morphine they had given him. He hated hospitals just as much as DiNozzo did and frankly the last time he was in ICU was not a good time on every level imaginable. Someone was talking to him and he wanted to answer.

"You will get through this Jethro. I know it will be difficult but I have never seen you back down from a challenge in all the years I've known you."

_Ducky. What about when I left? Wouldn't you call that backing down?_

"Even when you left for Mexico I knew you'd return, it's just not in your nature to give up."

_Not sure I can beat this Duck._

"You know those young people depend on you for so much, perhaps it is a bit unfair to you, but they all see you as a father figure, especially Anthony, as I'm sure you are well aware. Things were just beginning to be more like they used to be, and now this has happened, a blow to us all."

_Yeah I know they do. Not sure I can handle it anymore, Duck._

"I cannot believe this has happened to you of all people. I thought that I would be the one lying there. It's odd how things work out."

_Tell me about it._

The haze was lifting ever so slowly but Gibbs could feel the oxygen mask on his face, and he could see the light through his eyelids.

"Jethro? That's it open your eyes my friend." Ducky's smile beamed at him.

Gibbs blue orbs looked up at him through half closed lids. "Hey." The word was little more than a gasp.

"Hello, let me let the nurse know you are awake and get you some ice chips."

Ice chips sounded like heaven to him. He felt Ducky pick up the nurse's call button and heard him tell them he was awake and ask for the ice. Just that much activity and being awake was making him feel like he just ran a marathon and his eyes began to close again.

"Stay with me a bit longer Jethro."

"Tired, Duck."

"Yes I know you are, but I need to ask you some questions and you want the ice don't you?"

He nodded.

"Good, ahh here's the lovely Amy, she will be your nurse tonight."

Amy approached the bed and leaned over so Gibbs could see her face.

"So glad you are awake Agent Gibbs. Let me take your vitals and then we'll get you that ice. Okay?"

She was young and beautiful and a redhead just like in his dream, it was a little unnerving. " 'K" he whispered.

She took his blood pressure and his temperature and then brought the cup full of ice and a spoon over to him. "Alright, I'm going to take your mask off now, and then I will give you a little ice, it should make your throat feel better."

She moved his mask away and placed a tiny piece of ice in his mouth. It was so cold and such a relief that he found himself waking up.

"Thanks, can I have more?" He croaked.

"Sure, but let's take it slowly because I don't want your sats to fall too much."

He enjoyed a few more bits of ice before she said, "Okay, we need to put your mask back on, can you take some deep breaths for me?"

He nodded, he could feel the need for oxygen and he took a deep breath, only to feel pain in his chest. "Ow."

"Are you in pain?"

"Yeah." He grimaced.

"Okay, let me go ahead and see what the doctor's orders are for your pain management."

She walked out into the hall to her computer to pull up his chart.

"Jethro? Are you alright?"

"Don't know. It hurts."

"I imagine it does, not only have you just had a heart attack, but they had to shock your heart back into rhythm and Anthony cracked a few of your ribs doing CPR."

"Damn."

"Yes, damn is a good word for it."

"I feel weak."

"That's to be expected. It won't be that way forever."

"Don't lie to me Duck."

"I wouldn't dream of it. You have a long way to go, but I am confident you will overcome this—situation."

_Yeah sure._

Ducky could see that his friend didn't believe him, and feared that Gibbs was beginning the all too common slide into depression after a heart attack.

"Jethro, you must believe me. You will get through this and return to your life."

_What does that mean 'return to my life' ? _

" What about the team? My job?"

"They are doing well considering the circumstances, as for your job you won't be up to returning any time soon."

_If ever you mean._

Nurse Amy returned with a syringe in her hand, and Gibbs looked at her with gratitude because his chest was becoming a fiery ball of pain with each passing moment.

"I can see you are in pain, on a scale of one to ten, one being only a little bit of pain and ten being the worst pain you have ever felt, tell me where your pain is now."

He was growing tired and just held up his fingers.

"Eight? Okay, this should help but it will make you sleepy." She injected the liquid into his IV port and he soon felt the warm relief of opiates wash over him.

"I will be back with a PCR machine. Do you know how to use one?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Good, get some rest Agent Gibbs, you need it." She turned to walk away and he caught her hand.

"Jethro, call me Jethro." He whispered.

She smiled. "Okay Jethro, get some sleep. I'll be back in a little while." And she walked out of the room.

Ducky rolled his eyes at the goofy smile on Jethro's face. "You and red heads. Still she is a bit on the young side."

"Must be the morphine." He drawled.

"Yes, it must. Now go to sleep Jethro. I will bring everyone in to visit when next you wake."

He nodded and floated off into morphine induced bliss.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Here's a kind of weird chapter. I'm not sure if it works but let me know what you think. After this Gibbs starts waking up.

Disclaimer: I do Not Own

Read and Review PLEASE!

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Tony stared into space his mind blank. He was so tired; he hadn't slept since Gibbs' heart attack. The look on Gibbs' face when he went down, the pain in his eyes was haunting Tony day and night. His mind kept replaying the feel and sound of Gibbs' ribs cracking as he tried desperately to keep his mentor alive. All of this was working to make him feel raw and a little unhinged. His distress did not go unnoticed by his team but everyone was dealing with the events of the past two days in their own way and didn't know what to say to their friend.

Ducky found him sitting in the hallway zoned out and looking like hell.

"Anthony, when is the last time you've had anything to eat?"

It took Tony a minute to register Ducky's presence.

"Anthony?"

"Hmmmm, what, Oh hey Ducky. Uhh I ate some stuff from the vending machines."

"Anthony that is not eating."

"I'll eat later. How's he doing?" He asked changing the subject quickly.

"He was awake for a few minutes, but back to sleep now. You can visit him in the morning."

"Can I just sit with him for a bit?"

Ducky sighed. He knew that there was no way Tony would leave whether he saw Gibbs or not.

"Anthony, if I let you go in there you must promise me you will be quiet and that you will go home afterwards and sleep."

"Yeah, sure."

They both knew he was lying, but Ducky relented.

"Alright then, I will tell Amy to let you sit _quietly _ for an hour but after that you are to leave and go home."

"Okay."

After Ducky cleared it with Amy he introduced Tony to her and then ushered him into Gibbs' room.

Tony stood at the entrance of the room completely shaken by what he saw. Frozen in his disbelief it took Ducky's gentle prodding to approach Gibbs bedside and take a seat in the chair.

"Anthony, it's alright he's resting. Look at his monitors you can see for yourself everything is fine. Now go and sit with him or go home dear boy." Ducky whispered.

Tony nodded and shuffled over to the chair his heart pounding faster with each step. Even after Gibbs was blown up he didn't look this faded, this _dead._ He looked back over his shoulder at Ducky who waved him on. By the time he sat down in the chair he felt every hour of that missed sleep weighing heavily upon him.

_Oh God Boss you look even worse than yesterday. I thought they were supposed to be helping you. You look like crap. _Tony smiled at that, finding Gibbs' usual phrase of expressing concern for Tony's well-being very apropos because it was true Gibbs did look like crap and Tony was scared out of his mind for him.

He sighed and settled back trying to take comfort in the sight of the steady rhythm of Gibbs' breathing, the rise and fall of his proud chest reassuring. And somewhere in between the moments of anxiety and the relief in finding Gibbs still here he began to fall asleep for the first time in days.

Ducky watched as Tony sank into the chair, watched as his face showed first terror and then trust that Gibbs was okay, and watched as the exhausted young man fell deeply asleep. Then he left the two enigmatic men to their much needed slumber in search for some of his own.

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Timothy McGee had been changing, had been becoming surer of himself and at times even a little bit cocky lately, but this thing that had happened to all of them made him feel untethered and off kilter. Watching the titan Gibbs collapse ripped away all that hard won surety, and set back his confidence to his Probie days. For if Gibbs who was the only known constant in their collective universe could be so at the mercy of the ravages of time and nature, then nothing was stable, everything was up for grabs and life was simply cruel and capricious. This is the treachery of hero worship, sometimes God isn't on the same page as you.

Here he was floundering along, not knowing what to feel or how much to feel, without even Tony's star to guide him he was lost. He suddenly felt very young and without experience. So this is where he found himself , sitting, for going on the third day, in a hospital waiting room trying to find the strength to head back out into the sea of reality.

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Ziva was stoic. It was her thing, at least it used to be her thing, before a knight disguised as a clown and a man of steely determination along with a sweet good natured boy came half way around the globe to rescue her. Now she was finding herself quite emotional and the effort to put the tides of her heart back into the sea of forgetfulness was too much even for her. So she wandered ghostlike through the halls of the hospital praying softly in Hebrew, soothing herself with memories of Gibbs' strength and Tony's smile.

She had a father it was true but Eli David was a man of principle not a man of flesh. He loved her in his own convoluted way but he loved Israel more. But Leroy Jethro Gibbs was an altogether different kind of man, one of flesh and bone, of honor and courage. He was a man that loved her as a daughter and that love had healed some of her deepest wounds. She could not fathom the thought that Gibbs would die, his death would leave her so bereft she didn't know if she would cope in any real way. And Tony, what about Tony? His words to her shook her to the core; she didn't think losing both of these men was survivable.

############################################################

Ducky walked out and saw the faces of these, Gibbs' adopted children and their pain grieved him to his marrow. The sorrow in their eyes pierced his heart and made everything exponentially more terrible for him. He was the Doctor the elder statesmen the erstwhile grandfather to them all, but right now in this moment, the only thing he wanted to feel was the pain of seeing his closest friend struggling to live, the pain of knowing that Jethro's path would be filled with strife and challenges he may not have the stamina or will to conquer… And it made him think perhaps all this putting of his friend upon pedestals was cruel and unfair, because if there was one thing Jethro was, it was human, so utterly and completely human… With a sigh he slumped into a chair near Timothy and let his thoughts settle along with his tired and aged bones, praying for the reprieve of sleep to come to him.

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Abigail Sciuto worked hard to be transparent. She liked that her sunny disposition belied her choice of costume. And while she was no poseur, make no mistake it was a costume and one that served her well. It was a roadblock to anyone too shallow to love her the way she was, armor against the pettiness of people. She wore her spikes to protect her soft bits, just like Gibbs, only hers were more tangible and much less scary. They were the same, Abby knew it, and Gibbs knew it. She was soft and kind and hid herself in plain sight, but so was her silver fox. His camouflage was more cunning and harder to penetrate, but he was tender hearted as she. Now that very same heart he worked so hard to protect was rebelling against him, attacking him, the unfairness of it was overwhelming to her normally positive outlook. Somehow she would try to remain hopeful and full of faith, everyone depended on her for it, just as they depended on Gibbs to be a fortress of virtue and strength.

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Jimmy Palmer was in the unenviable position of the narrator of this Greek tragedy. He knew them all and cared for each and every one of them, but his place on the periphery made him the one who kept the story on track, he saw the totality of who they were both collectively and individually. He'd watched them for years at first as an outsider and slowly they let him in, they welcomed him and he became part of this weird and wonderful family. Because of his position he had perspective and what he saw from that vantage point both soothed him and terrified him. He was soothed by the knowledge that they loved each other but terrified by what this situation was doing to them all. To lose the man he both feared and admired, the nucleus of their cell left him feeling adrift, and made him afraid that without Gibbs, their rare synergy would dissolve and they would be like so much flotsam and jetsam.

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Jackson Gibbs had nearly collapsed himself when he got the call. Sons aren't supposed to have heart attacks, let alone ones as stubborn as Leroy.

He restlessly endured the cramped stale boredom of the plane that was taking him to see his son, but his thoughts would not give him quarter… It wasn't fair that this had happened to Leroy whose heart had already been broken so many times. Just when it seemed like his boy was starting to build a life and his own quirky little family, just when Leroy was letting him back in his life, this catastrophe is thrust upon him, upon them all. He was an old man with an old man's problems; he never thought he may have to bury his 5o year old son. Somehow losing him to the job or to the corps didn't offend him so, but this was intolerable. And those kids, what would they do without him? Especially Tony and Ziva, two more damaged and deserving souls he'd never met. No matter he would pull up his bootstraps and tell his son to get better because there was no alternative. In that moment of false certitude he felt his resolve crumble and tears began sneaking out of his eyes, leaving him with nothing but hope and supplication to cling to.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Here's an update. Some good some meh…Having a little trouble with this but hopefully I can work out the kinks tomorrow. Yes, there could be another chapter tomorrow.

Disclaimer: I do not own, other more fabulous and brilliant, much richer people do.

Read Review Whatever

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"McGee?" Tony shook his young friends shoulder.

McGee turned his head and groaned.

"Probie!" Tony said loudly next to McGee's ear.

McGee sat straight up. "What?"

"Good morning McVanWinkle."

"What's wrong? Is Gibbs okay?"

"Yeah, he's sleeping."

"Then why are you waking me up?" He growled.

"I sent Ziva to take Ducky home, but I need you to go to the airport to pick up Jackson."

"Jackson?" McGee stood up and stretched.

"Yeah his plane lands in 45 minutes."

"Sure I'll go."

"Thanks Tim."

McGee walked toward the elevators, stopped a moment and turned back to Tony.

"Hey Tony." He called.

"Yeah Probie?"

"You look like crap!"

Tony laughed. "You should see yourself, McGoo."

"Seriously Tony you need to get some sleep, a decent meal and a shower wouldn't hurt either."

"Yeah, yeah, I already heard it from Ducky and Ziva. Abby's gonna bring me some clothes and Ducky asked if I could use the showers in the locker room. Now get out of here you know the traffic is murder this time of day."

"Okay, see you later."

"Later, McGee."

McGee got on the elevator and Tony plopped down in the nearest chair. McGee was right he was beat. But he couldn't leave Gibbs, he took a deep breath and got back to his feet and headed back to the nurse's station to ask to sit by his boss' bedside.

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Ziva tried to tame her driving for Ducky's sake but it wasn't having the desired effect. Ducky held on to the "oh shit handle" (as Tony called it), for dear life his knuckles white with the effort.

"Ziva could you please slow down?"

"Oh, I am sorry Ducky I am just so…"

"Yes, my dear we all are, but I for one would like to remain alive for the time being." Ducky teased.

Ziva laughed. "Very well Ducky, I will drive like a Monday driver."

They rode in relative calm for a few minutes before Ziva spoke.

"Ducky I am worried."

"I am too Ziva."

"Not just about Gibbs."

"Yes, I know, I too am worried about Anthony."

She hesitated for a moment. "I am unsure what to do."

Ducky watched her a moment and said, "Do whatever your heart tells you."

"That is the problem, my heart and I have not been on speaking terms for some time."

"Then I suggest you get reacquainted." He said gently.

She felt her eyes well up at his soft admonition. All she could muster was an almost imperceptible nod.

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Gibbs felt himself waking from a cloud bank of painkillers and anesthetic. The sounds and smells of a hospital assaulting his awareness first, and then he remembered.

_I had a heart attack…_

The realization brought him a sense of panic and doom and he was suddenly wide awake. His grit filled eyes opened to a darkened ICU room. His eyes swept the room for anyone from his team, and were disappointed to find it empty. He sighed and the oxygen mask made it altogether unsatisfying. He wondered where everyone was, where anyone was. He found himself feeling a wave of hurt that no one was there, not being a man prone to emotional outbursts, the feeling threatened to overwhelm him.

_What the hell is wrong with me? So nobody's here, big deal. They probably had something they had to do. Pull yourself together Marine!_

Just as he gained a semblance of control a nurse came into the room.

"Ahhh Jethro you're awake!"

He blushed at the beautiful young red head's use of his name. "Amy right?"

"Yep! I just need to check your vitals and then you can have some more ice chips. Okay?"

"Sure." He sounded tired and more than a little defeated.

She looked at him quizzically, concern on her face. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just peachy."

She stopped taking his blood pressure and took his hand in hers. "Jethro, you had a heart attack, and that can be a very scary and confusing thing. Tell me what's bothering you."

He looked at her face filled with the blush of health and youth and thought cynically '_What would you know about it.' _ Instead of replying he just gave her a watered down version of the famous Gibbs glare.

She laughed at him.

"What's so damn funny?" He growled.

"You are."

A look of hurt flashed across his features before he quickly schooled his face.

"I'm sorry Jethro, I shouldn't tease you so. Your death glare was quite impressive."

This woman was infuriating. He felt the anger welling up behind the dam of his impassivity.

"Are you done yet?" He snapped.

It was her turn to be a little hurt, but she simply smiled and said, "Jethro, I have worked in the cardiac care unit here for ten years, scarier Marines than you have tried to rattle my cage. Now if you'll quit pouting I can finish this up."

"I do not pout." He whispered vehemently.

She laughed again. "Of course you don't."

He sat in silence and tried his hardest to look nothing like he was pouting. Everything was so out of his control, he could feel himself beginning to unravel.

"Okay, how about those ice chips now?"

He nodded not trusting his ability to respond without losing it.

Amy placed a few ice chips in his mouth, the cold felt great on the lump now in the back of his throat.

"Thanks." He croaked.

"No problem. Now here's what's going on, in a an hour or two you will be taken for your electro test and then depending on what happens there, you will either come back here or they will place the pacemaker."

_Pacemaker? _ He reached up to the soreness on his chest and found an object there.

"Don't touch that Jethro, that's your temporary pacemaker."

He started to freak out, well as much as Leroy Jethro Gibbs can freak out. His breathing became faster and shallower, and his heart rate began to climb.

"Jethro? Are you in pain?"

He shook his head no, but his body was betraying him. He shut his eyes trying to gain a semblance of control.

"Jethro, look at me."

He opened his eyes to find deep mossy green eyes filled with care looking at him. His hand enveloped in hers.

"It's okay to be upset and scared Jethro, because this is some damn upsetting and scary stuff. You need to try to calm down a little bit though, and take some slow deep breaths. Okay?"

Her touch and opening his eyes had the effect of grounding him. He found the slow deep breaths calming him down; it was a skill he learned as a sniper.

"Good that's better. Now if you're up to it someone would like to visit with you."

He hesitated for a moment, part of him wanted desperately to see his team, but another part of him was terrified of looking weak in their eyes.

He finally said, "Yeah, okay."

"Good. I'll go get Tony now."

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McGee waited in the sea of people looking for Jackson, his mind numb with fatigue and shock.

_This is just all so wrong…Damn _

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder. "Hello Tim. Thanks for coming to get me."

McGee was at a loss for words, he should be the one comforting Jackson not the other way around. "My pleasure Mr. Gibbs, do you have everything? Or do we need to go to the luggage carousel?"

"Now Tim, I thought we discussed this. It's Jackson, not Mr. Gibbs. And yes I have everything."

McGee blushed, "Sor- erm okay, Jackson. Do you want to go to the house or straight to the hospital?"

"I want to see my boy Tim, and as soon as possible."

McGee smiled sadly and led the way to the car.

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Tony stood in the doorway and knew something was wrong. Gibbs seemed fragile in spirit as well as body. Even his piercing blue eyes and his steady stare could not hide the pain and the hint of fear. That shook Tony, he knew Gibbs was human and experienced fear and pain like everyone else but he'd only ever seen him show it once before, and that was after the explosion that took fifteen years of his life away. This was so much bigger than a physical thing, and Tony was afraid he would fail his boss, afraid he wasn't up to the task. He shoved his trepidation aside and walked further into the room.

"Hey Boss."

Gibbs turned his head and said quietly, "DiNozzo."

Tony pulled the chair closer to the bed and joked, "I'm not used to being on this side. I thought being in the bed sucked, but man this is harsh. These chairs should be against the Geneva Convention."

Gibbs just shrugged and said dismissively, "You don't have to stay."

_Idiot! Good going DiNozzo way to make him think you don't want to be here, make him think that you're not dying inside to see him like this, make him think you don't care!_

Tony swallowed his urge to deny the things that Gibbs left unsaid and yet had spoken so loudly.

"Nahh, think I'll stay."

Gibbs just shrugged again and looked out the window; he still hadn't made eye contact with Tony.

_This is not working…Think DiNozzo think. What would you be feeling if that were you… _

He reached out and touched Gibbs shoulder. "Boss?"

Gibbs sighed and said, "Leave it alone Tony. I'm fine."

Suddenly Tony's fear turned to anger. This was not the way it was going to be, Leroy Jethro Gibbs does not give up.

"No, you're going to listen to me. I don't care if you talk to me but you will damn well listen."

Gibbs gave a half smile at the younger man's fierce tone. _ You got balls kid… _

He turned his head and looked at Tony for the first time, really looked at him. He was taken aback by what he saw. The senior agent was exhausted, he hadn't shaved in a few days, he was still wearing the clothes he had on at the scene, and his eyes were red and had deep bruising around them from lack of sleep.

"You look like hell DiNozzo." He sounded so surprised it made Tony chuckle,

"Yeah, so I've heard."

Gibbs snorted.

The small shared laugh eased some of the tension. But Tony did not relent.

"Boss, you once ordered me to live, I can't order you to do anything, but I can tell you that I will kick your ass if you do anything but your best to get better. That includes no moping and feeling sorry for yourself."

They stared at one another for a moment the anger in Gibbs eyes welcome and familiar.

But the spark soon faded and Gibbs turned his head back toward the window.

"It doesn't matter."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? Of course it matters!" Tony was getting more scared by the moment. This was not a Gibbs he knew how to deal with.

_Gotta change tactics, this sure as hell isn't working…_

Tony took a deep breath and tried again.

"Gibbs? Listen, I know I can't bully you into being okay, I get it. But can I ask you something?"

Gibbs eyed him out of the corner of his eye and gave him the tiniest nod.

"What would you say to me, or McGee, or Ziva, if it were us in that bed feeling the way that you do?"

A flicker of anger returned to those mercurial blue orbs. He was quiet for a long time but Tony waited him out.

"I'd tell you to quit whining and get on with the business of living. I'd say you don't have the right to give up when there's so many people that need you."

Tony smiled; he could hear Gibbs saying exactly that, but before he could respond Gibbs kept talking.

"But that's the problem Tony, you aren't me. This didn't happen to you. So butt the hell out."

The defeat in Gibbs voice was a tangible thing, it weighed in the air like thick fog and made Tony catch his breath.

"Okay Boss you're right, this is your life, this _thing_ happened to you and I can only imagine what you must be feeling. So I'm just gonna shut up about it now and be here for you."

Gibbs was no fool he was king of the interrogation room, but he heard the sincerity in Tony's voice and he felt lighter.

"Thanks Tony."

"No problem."

They fell into a more peaceful silence for several minutes. Gibbs started to drift off and Tony soon followed.

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	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I am not super happy with this chapter but it was necessary to character and relationship development. At least that's my excuse.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own.

Thoughts? Complaints? Rants? Anything? Feel free.

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Jackson Gibbs walked down the hall to his son's room in the cardiac care unit, preparing himself for the coming encounter. Leroy was stubborn as hell, but that boy had been through too much in his life and he sure didn't deserve this. Jackson worried that Leroy may be ready to give up.

_Let it go Jackson, wait and see what the boy says before you worry. No need to borrow trouble._

He stood in the doorway and watched the pale figure of his son sunken down beneath hospital equipment. Wires and tubes coming from everywhere, he saw the external pacemaker sitting on his chest, and it shook him to his core.

_Dear God…_

With a deep breath he calmed the raging flood of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him and stepped into the room. Tony was sitting next to Leroy's bed his head resting on his hand as he slept. It brought a smile to the old man's face to see how the younger man cared for his son. He shuffled quietly over to get a better look at Leroy.

Jackson stood watching Leroy for what seemed an eternity, his eyes following each wire and tube that invaded his child's body. The thing on his chest made Leroy look a little like something out of a sci-fi movie, and saw the almost imperceptible twitching of his son's chest it caused; he found it disturbing to say the least. He suddenly felt very old, and his knees gave a little.

"Here Jack, sit down." Tony said quietly.

Jackson just nodded and sat down.

Tony had awoken as Jackson approached the hospital bed. He saw the fear and sadness in the man's eyes and it made his chest tighten with an emotion he couldn't name. He gave Jack a moment to himself but when he saw the older man waver he made his presence known.

They both watched Gibbs lost in their own thoughts but feeling the mutual despair at the scene before them. Their silent reverie was broken by the nurse coming in to take vitals and prepare Gibbs for transport to have the electrical function of his heart tested.

"Hello, I'm Amy. You must be Jethro's father." The pretty red head announced.

Jackson couldn't help but smile at the lovely red head and stood to greet her. "Jackson Gibbs, my dear." He held out his hand and she took it and gave it a friendly squeeze.

"It's a pleasure, Mr. Gibbs. We're getting ready to take Jethro up for his test, but it shouldn't take long, unless of course they decide to install a pacemaker. But I'll let the doctor explain that to you."

Two doctors walked in at that point, "Hello, I'm Dr. Capaldi Jethro's cardiologist, and this is Dr. Morgan the electrical specialist."

Jackson shook their hands asked, "What is this electrical thing you're talking about?" 

Dr. Morgan smiled and began to explain. "Well the heart beats at a specific rhythm and sometimes parts of it are out of sync so we find where the problem is and correct it."

"How do you do that?"

"There are a few ways we can use depending on the cause of the problem. If there is damage to the heart it can make the damaged portion beat at a different rhythm so sometimes we can take care of those areas by using ablation. If it's an overall rhythm problem then we use a pacemaker or an internal defibrillator device to correct it. The test we are going to do now will help us know exactly what problem we're looking at and then we can move forward with the appropriate treatment."

"Is it dangerous?"

"No not really but with everything there are some risks."

Jackson took a moment to absorb everything and said, "Okay Doc it sounds like we better get this show on the road."

The two doctors smiled.

"Okay we'll send transport down here and have him brought up. The whole thing shouldn't take too long."

Tony cleared his throat.

"Oh, I'm sorry Tony did you have a question?" Jackson asked.

Tony looked a little nervous. "Yeah, Umm what about the pacemaker thing? Will you be putting it in today? And if he has one will he still be able to be a field agent?"

"Well it really depends on what we find, as for returning to field work that's not something I can answer at this time."

Tony thought for a moment and said, "Then don't do it until you know something and we can talk to Gibbs about it."

All three men looked at him with mild shock. "It will be in his best interest for us to do it all at once." Dr. Morgan said.

"Then you're going to have to wake him up and talk to him about it, because I'm his medical proxy and I'm not saying yes."

During this suddenly awkward conversation Jethro began to wake up. He could hear the voices becoming tenser as the discussion went on. He heard the last part with startling clarity and felt a surge of gratitude for Tony's stubborn defense of him.

In the stunned silence that followed Tony's declaration a raspy voice said, "Damn right you're gonna ask me."

Jackson and Tony beamed at the grouchy statement.

"Good to see you awake son."

"Hey Dad."

Gibbs just looked at Tony, conveying exactly how he felt with that one glance.

" How much did you hear?" Dr. Capaldi questioned.

"Most of it."

"Do you have any questions?" Dr. Morgan asked.

"Just one, do I have to do any of these things immediately? Because I'd rather know what we're looking at before I make any decisions, and I want to talk to Ducky first."

Dr. Morgan sighed in frustration. "Look I know this is a lot to take in at once, but we really should take care of this as soon as possible. But I'll tell you what, we will wait to do the test and then I 'll give you some time to decide what you want to do as long as you remain stable and Dr. Capaldi agrees."

Capaldi considered it a moment and said, "That works for me, as long as he stays stable and we don't wait too long."

"Good, then I guess I'll wait for Ducky to get here."

The two doctors left feeling a little like they'd been railroaded.

"Tony, why don't you go call Ducky for me?"

"On it Boss."

Jackson approached and sat down again in the chair beside the bed.

"How are you doing son?"

"I'm fine."

"Now Leroy do you really expect me to buy that line?"

"No, but I don't want to talk about it either."

"But I do."

Gibbs sighed, "What?"

"Son, I am scared out of my mind, I can only imagine how you must feel."

"It's fine Dad, it's not a big deal." Gibbs said sounding tired.

Jackson held his tongue he knew pushing the issue would get him nowhere. Nonetheless Leroy's cavalier attitude made a frightening situation all that much worse.

"Are you in pain?" He asked gently.

"No, not really, think they gave me some morphine. I'm just tired." And he was. He was more tired than ever before in his life. Even this brief conversation seemed to wear him out.

"Okay son, just rest I'll be right here."

He looked at his father and drifted back to sleep.

#########################################################

Tony walked out of the hospital and stood taking in the fresh air and the sunshine for a moment before calling Ducky. With a deep breath he dialed the morgue.

"Morgue." The ME sounded a bit exasperated.

"Hey Ducky." All of the tension and fatigue came through his voice.

"Anthony? Is Jethro all right?"

"Yeah, but he wants you to come to the hospital."

Ducky's mouth became dry with fear. "I shall be right there, dear boy."

"Thanks, Ducky. See you when you get here."

Tony hung up and walked slowly back in and up to the CICU. He found Jackson there and Jethro asleep.

"He's pretty tired."

Tony nodded.

"How you holding up ?"

"I'm fine."

Jackson chuckled. "You and Leroy are too much alike."

Tony looked at him quizzically. "Gibbs and me? Alike?"

"Yes, son alike. You're just as stubborn and self-sacrificing as Leroy."

Tony shrugged with some confusion. "If you say so."

"I do say so. Now why don't you go home and get a shower and some clean clothes."

"Nahh I'm going to wait for Ducky."

Jackson nodded knowing that any attempt to change Tony's mind would be futile.

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Ducky arrived in record time. He found Tony and Jackson sitting quietly while Jethro slept. He walked over to the bed and took in the ashen face of his good friend, and found the whole thing too surreal. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a man of steely good looks and determination, and seemed at times indestructible. This pale fragile form bore little resemblance to the man he knew. He fought the urge to touch Jethro to see if he was real. He found that he was overcome with emotion and felt the need to sit down.

"Ducky? You alright?" Tony asked.

"Oh yes Anthony, I'm just a little tired. It's been a long few days."

Tony nodded.

"Hello Jackson it's good to see you my friend. Though I do wish it were under different circumstances."

Jackson rose to shake Ducky's hand.

"He was asking for you."

"Why?" Ducky's voice quavered with fear.

"He wants your opinion about the ablation thingy." Tony said.

"Oh, I see." His relief was palpable. That he could do.

"I suppose we should wake him."

"Yeah the docs want a decision quickly so they can do the procedure and prevent any more problems with his heart rhythm."

"Well then Anthony let us do just that."

"I'll wake Leroy; he can be a bear when his sleep is disturbed."

Ducky and Tony had no problem letting Jackson have that unenviable task.

Jackson shook Jethro's shoulder and called his name gently. "Leroy? Leroy wake up son. Dr. Mallard is here."

Gibbs stirred and came awake suddenly. "Ducky?"

"I'm here Jethro."

Jackson moved out of the way so Ducky could see Jethro face to face.

"Thanks for coming."

"Of course my friend, I couldn't be anywhere else."

Gibbs nodded fighting the sudden urge to cry by taking deep breaths.

"Was there something I can help you with Jethro?"

"Yeah, they want to do this electro—something or other and if there is a problem they want to zap it. Do you think I should do it?"

"Jethro if there are areas damaged by your MI, and seeing the earlier angioplasty I would say there was, then ablation is a good option to restoring your heart to a normal rhythm."

"What if I decide not to do it?"

"Then you run the risk of sudden cardiac arrest, and numerous other complications."

Gibbs sat and thought for a minute. "Will I be able to go back to work? Will I be the same? And if it doesn't work will I have to have a pacemaker or internal defibrillator thing?"

Ducky was silent as he mulled over the best way to answer the barrage of questions.

"First of all Jethro, if you do not do something I can almost guarantee you will not return to work unless it's as one of my clients. Secondly, you may return to all the activities you did before with little change, but regardless your life will be different. You can't have a heart attack and pretend nothing happened. As for either device being installed it is a good alternative to dying."

Tony was stunned by the frank and direct tone Ducky had taken with Gibbs. He always considered Gibbs to be the alpha male in their relationship. Watching Ducky he knew he was wrong, Ducky could put Gibbs in his place if need be.

Jackson smiled, this admonishing tone was exactly what Leroy needed, and he knew that his son would never take it from him.

Gibbs face flushed with anger and embarrassment at Ducky's strong tone. In the end he appreciated the blunt honesty of his friend. After he cooled down a bit he finally replied.

"Yeah okay, I get it Duck. So I guess I'll just tell them to do what they think is best."

"Now Jethro I didn't say that, you need to trust them to choose what is the right thing but with your input. That's all part of informed consent and your rights as a patient."

As Gibbs mulled that over Dr.s Capaldi and Morgan entered the room.

"Dr. Mallard this is Philipp Morgan our cardio-electrophysiologist."

"Pleased to meet you, and do call me Ducky." The men shook hands amiably.

"So Mr. Gibbs have you come to a decision?" Dr. Morgan asked without hesitation.

"It's Jethro, and yeah I have."

"What's it to be Jethro?" Capaldi asked.

"Go ahead and do whatever you think is best. Apparently I was being mule headed before." Gibbs smiled ruefully.

Everyone chuckled at that. "Good, then we'll see you back in the cath lab in half an hour."

"Any questions?"

"Yeah, what are the odds something goes wrong during these things?"

"Very slim Jethro I assure you." Capaldi answered, and Ducky and Morgan nodded in agreement.

"Okay, but if something does go wrong and it comes down to saving me as anything less than I am now or letting me go, then you let me go. Understood?"

They nodded hesitantly.

"And Ducky will you be in there to make sure?" Jethro implored him.

"Of course I will Jethro."

"Good, DiNozzo?"

"Yeah Boss?"

"Take my father home to my house and get him settled in, and don't come back until you both have eaten and showered." Gibbs growled.

Tony started to protest but the look in his boss' eye warned him not to.

"On it Boss."

"Dad, don't give me a hard time about this. I can't do this and worry about you too." He sounded exhausted.

"No worries son. I'll make sure Tony eats and shaves before we come back." He winked at his son.

"Good, now get out of here so I can get this over with."

"Come on Tony let's go." Jackson pulled a reluctant Tony from the room and down the hall to the elevators.

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The two doctors had left to begin the preparation for Gibbs' procedure and left Ducky and Jethro to themselves for a few blessed moments.

"Alone at last." Ducky joked.

"I thought they'd never leave. I can't stand the way DiNozzo is looking at me like I'm a ghost or something, and my Dad he just looks so…"

"Scared?"

"Yeah, scared."

"Jethro you are loved by a great many people and the loss of you would be devastating to us all."

Gibbs squirmed uncomfortably at this.

"It's high time you accept what you mean to this quirky little family you have created. Let them be there for you and quit being so damnably stubborn."

"Okay, geez Duck, I get it."

"Do you? No I don't think you really do Jethro. When you left before it nearly destroyed Anthony and the whole team. But they held it together to make you proud and in the hope you would return. This is different, there is the chance, however slight, that you may die or be forever altered. As scared as you must be, know that we are all feeling the fear along with you."

Gibbs looked solemnly at his best friend and said, "I know I screwed up before Duck, and the last thing I want to do is hurt any of you. But this is about me, more than just about anything in my life before. The fact is I don't think I have the strength to be an invalid. Call me a coward or foolish but I would rather die than become a shadow of myself."

"I understand Jethro, but you must realize that the only way I will allow them to give up on you is if there is no hope of recovery. Being a field agent is not the only thing worth living for, nor is the loss of some of your strength worth dying over."

Gibbs saw the determined look in Ducky's eye and finally nodded his head in acceptance.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I have been working on this chapter for weeks and couldn't get it right, but I have just decided to move on and get this story finished. Here's hoping that the muse will be kinder for the next one, and that I will stumble upon some heretofore missed talent

Disclaimer: I do NOT own.

Read and Review: It does make a difference if only to tell me when I've got it wrong.

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The last few minutes waiting for the transport to take him back to the cath lab were spent in contemplative silence. Even the normally loquacious Ducky was quiet. Gibbs stared out the small window at the puffy clouds floating by, his mind everywhere and nowhere all at once. Without turning his head he spoke.

"Duck?"

"Yes, Jethro."

"Sometimes I wonder why, you know?"

"Yes, I find myself asking that question all too frequently."

" I just really would like to know what the point is. I used to believe in all the stuff they tell you when you're a kid, you know good people have good lives, live right and everything will be all right, bad guys always lose, blah blah…"

"And now Jethro?"

"Now I know it's all a bunch of crap. Good things happen to bad people all the time, and God knows good people are constantly being screwed over."

"Yes, well that is an unfortunate truth Jethro, but you cannot forget the _good_ things that _do_ happen, or the rewards of living."

"And just what are those rewards Ducky? I'm finding it hard to see them these days."

Ducky sighed; he hadn't heard Jethro talk this much without the aid of alcohol in a very long time. And for it to be of such a depressing and philosophical nature was discomfiting. He knew he must tread a fine line between positivity and sternness.

"Jethro you know what the rewards are, you may have lost touch with some of them, but you know."

"You know, after my—the explosion, when I couldn't remember. All I wanted was to go back to sleep… forever. That's what makes me ask why. Why do I keep surviving? Does God enjoy torturing me?"

This wasn't a big surprise to Ducky but it was shocking to hear Jethro express such raw vulnerability. He also found himself oddly angry at the man and responded without thinking.

"Of all the—Leroy Jethro Gibbs, are you having a _pity _party?"

Stunned at the words that just spilled out in his ire, Ducky got up and walked over to the bed. The apology in his eyes spoke volumes before the words came.

"Jethro I—"

The silence was deafening. Gibbs turned his head to look his friend in the face, his expression unreadable to the older man.

"No, you're right Ducky. Thanks for setting me straight." He said quietly, and then turned his head to look back out the window.

Ducky didn't believe that was all that Jethro was feeling about the matter but decided to change the subject.

"Consider that a metaphorical head slap. Now can we please stop being so morose?"

Gibbs gave a small smile and returned his gaze to the older man. "Yeah, that would be good. So, you think you can find me a decent cup of coffee?"

"Jethro you are incorrigible!"

Gibbs smirked, but inside he was still a mass of doubt and despondence.

_This is not who I am. What the hell is wrong with me?_

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The ride to Gibbs house was quiet. The normally gregarious men found the mutual silence comforting. As Tony pulled into the driveway Jackson turned to him and said, "You know you mean a lot to him?"

Tony swallowed the emotions threatening to steal his voice.

"I used to think so Jack, but lately things have been _different_."

Tony looked out the window hoping to hide his expression from the older Gibbs.

Jackson sighed and reached out placing his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Listen, I know Leroy is hard as nails on the outside and can be so self- absorbed and focused on his job that he acts like an ass. But that doesn't change the fact that he cares about you."

Tony thought for a minute and said, "Yeah, I know, but I guess I'm getting a little tired of having to work so hard to see it."

Jackson couldn't blame him for feeling that way.

"Listen after this is all over and Leroy is better, I think you two should talk."

Tony snorted.

" Talk? Gibbs doesn't talk. No. Don't worry Jack it'll be fine. The last thing Gibbs needs is me bugging him."

Tony's tone made it clear he was done discussing it so Jackson nodded and they got out of the car.

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McGee and Ziva were holding down the fort at NCIS. They weren't getting much done, every few minutes one of them would begin to stare off into space. Finally lunchtime rolled around and with unspoken agreement they both got up and went to the garage.

"We should bring Ducky some lunch."

"Yes, and some tea."

They fell silent, until they left the garage when McGee said, "I'm scared Ziva. I just can't imagine life without Gibbs."

Ziva exhaled loudly with annoyance. "McGee, Gibbs will be fine! He is very strong; he will be back to NCIS in no time."

Somehow McGee doubted Ziva's vehemence. He knew she was just as scared, but he let it go.

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Of course I am."

The rest of the ride fell back into a more comfortable quiet.

When they arrived to the hospital waiting room with food and drinks in hand Ducky told them that Gibbs had already left for his procedure and the calm assurance Ziva exuded earlier disappeared in a harsh blast of reality.

"Jethro, has just gone back, it should be a few hours."

McGee passed Ducky his tea and a sandwich. "You need to eat Ducky; this has been a long day."

"That it has Timothy."

Ziva stared out the window into the parking lot lost in her own thoughts, until she felt Ducky standing behind her. She turned and let Ducky embrace her.

"He will be fine Ducky?" It was a question rather than a statement.

"Yes my dear I believe he will."

His voice was certain but inside Ducky feared that even if Jethro was fine physically that he would be facing a more personal and difficult trial emotionally. And that was a far more scary proposition than one of his illness, because God knows the last thing Jethro Gibbs did well was deal with his feelings.


End file.
